A glimpse of light in an otherwise dark place

Well, it’s been four months since I last checked in here. Life is chaotic. It seems the more stuff I get into the more shit I get into. School work is starting to get me unstuck, even though I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I used to be nice, a long time ago. Some days I wish I could go back to that Darcy. But alas, being nice gets you nowhere in life. Now I’m not saying I go up to random people on the street and fuck their shit up, no not at all. I’m just more cold. There’s warmth in there somewhere and it comes out among certain people… but others.

I’m torn between two worlds at the moment. One dominated by the new me who gets shit done by themselves and relies on nobody. And another that’s heavily influenced by the ghost of a former me.
The strange thing is they intertwine. For example, I had a love interest (rofl I know right) that liked me a lot. Now the old me wanted to be with her but he new, cold me didn’t out of fear of being tied down. Nothing really eventuated but there was a real spark. This was because a combination of both me’s saying “Leave her alone. She’ll be sad in the short term but happier in the long term because you’ll probably end up hurting her.”
Not even my mind wants to take bets on my happiness. But things turned out well. For her anyway, she’s got someone now and I’m happy for her. And I’m neither better or worse off.

Hopefully someday I’ll stop pushing people away and open up… And stop leaving assignments to the last minute.